I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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