I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
