Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
