I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
