Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
These tits shall not be calmed
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