I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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