My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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