how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
