hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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