She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
