he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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