omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
