my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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