Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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