We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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