Need sex. Gaining weight.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
