so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
