HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
