i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
