its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
As shirtless as possible
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
