im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pants are for mortals
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
