Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
