I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
