Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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