Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
