you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
