Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sext me about skeletons
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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