I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
