i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
