my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
