Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
