I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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