when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
