You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i drank out of a bidet.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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