I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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