you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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