no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish you could order shots online.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
