pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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