I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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