If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
