just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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