omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
