Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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