When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I love having hate sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
