I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And then he peed in my hair
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