remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
