i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
