the condom got lost in my hair
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
