If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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