Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is glitter all over my balls
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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