you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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