I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
