I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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