I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
