I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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