Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
