New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
